All The Things I Should Have Told My Mom As A Teen And Didn’t (And Things I Wish I Could Tell Her Now)
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Casual flings can be a fun escape from your everyday life, but they’re just that: a fun escape. There’s little more to it than sex, and that can feel empty and disempowering. As soon as you start using hookup apps (or turning to the dating apps we mentioned at the beginning of this article) it’s not hard to end up feeling robbed of feelings of love and attachment. «Hookup culture takes all the power back, breaks down the structures that had allowed young people to develop a sense of self outside the context of a romantic relationship,» notes the University of Chicago’s Ross Douthat.
Casual sex is not for everyone and, unless you have a very healthy sex drive, you may not have an interest in random hookups either. Casual sex can have negative consequences. A woman who had her first sexual experience with her future husband during his senior year of college reportedly only ended up marrying him because she thought she would get pregnant. The next year, her roommate accidentally caught them in a sexual act. These are extremely rare examples, but they do happen. The consequences of unplanned pregnancy and STIs are serious, not just for women but also men. Abstinence is key to creating healthy relationships. Talk with your doctor or a sexologist about potential risks and get tested for sexually transmitted infections (STIs) as soon as possible.
Reverse culture shock is real and can even occur after experiencing casual sex at a high school party. Sometimes, even after a sexual relationship is perfectly healthy, it’s not enjoyable for both parties. Casual sex can become the norm, and a relationship can deteriorate as people forget that sex isn’t just about receiving pleasure. Casual sex isn’t for everyone and should be handled with respect.
The more you understand the people you choose to have casual sex with, the better. By using Tinder and other hookup apps, you’ll be able to meet a wide variety of people — and find out a lot about yourself as well. Take the time to think about who you’d like to have casual sex with — if you’re open to it. When you know that person, you can go
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It’s true that you don’t really know who a person is, only what they claim about themselves. But knowing your options and being careful about them can go a long way. Most dating apps are now free to use and allow for meeting in various venues, including your kitchen, bar, or that time you have free once a week. When using a dating app for sex purposes, take heed of your surroundings and be sure that the people around you will know if you really want to have sex or not. If you do want to take things further, have an in-app or offline chaperone to keep everyone in your favor and away from other people. And if you do end up with someone and you’re interested, limit your time together to be sure things don’t get personal. It’s good to see who someone is outside of casual sex, but you should be open-minded about it and choose your sex partners carefully.
Casual sex can turn into a serious relationship, but it doesn’t always have to be great sex. Sex is also about more than just a one-time moment — it’s about accepting something about yourself and your partner. There are certain types of people that deserve one another — you don’t have to be desperate or lonely to find yourself in these relationships. The true challenge is knowing when it’s time to go on your own (as in, end it if you feel like you’re in an unhealthy situation).
«The debate over whether casual sex is good or bad for your personal life can be a bit baffling, but in reality, it isn’t a problem of either/or,» says NBC News health and wellness expert Dr. Jean Chatzky. «Casual sex is just one facet of a complex and multifaceted part of your life, one that should be in a healthy balance with other areas of your life.»
Hookup apps, and the arrangement model they promote, work both ways. You can also be «respectable» (and protected) and go to set up dates or meetups in bars or coffee shops, or online dating sites or dating apps. No one needs to see who you’re meeting. But your approach to casual sex might be different if you’re using a dating app. If you’re worried about meeting any one person, then that could set you up to fall in love with someone you’re meeting (or having sex with) on a dating app. Does that seem a little like jumping in the